Saturday, February 26, 2011

It is often hard to bear the tears that we ourselves have caused.

me at a healthy weight, 121


            So Comeing out about my eating disorders has had up's and downs. So many want to know when it started when I was 9. I had started writing a book and this is just a clip of it.

I remember running, feeling the rush of losing my breath and my feet hit the concrete, glancing back behind me I see my twin brother Steven red and mad that I was beating him. We were running to the pool, it was our safe haven, our place where we could make believe and just be kids. I jumped over a small hedge and waved to the neighbors. My skin was glowing from the sun and I could smell the fresh cut grass of summer.
I won! I raced threw the gate entrance, finding a chair to throw my towel down, slip off my sandles and undress to my swimsuit under my clothes.
Ouch! Steven had just punched me in the arm,
“why do you always make things a race” He said
“because I always win, I am just the better twin I guess” Shrugging and smiling to myself , I headed to the diving bored.
“Not Fair” Steven shouted “I wanted to go first”
I smiled, stuck out my tongue and performed a perfect dive. Steven and I have been swimming at this pool since we were five. Being a nine year old now I felt so grown up and mature. I was queen of the world standing on that bored every time. If someone bullied me I would stand up for myself and beat boys up. I was one of a kind back than.
Then It happened, Her, Linda. Linda moved into the house right next door. I remember playing in the front yard, four square with my brother, When the mom came over and introduced herself. She asks me what our names were and how old we were. When we answered, she smiled with excitement explaining she had a daughter just a couple of months younger than us.
As we continued to play our game I hear a small whisper behind me.
“hello” I turned around and absorbed in the new girl. She was the same height as me, short hair to her shoulders in a bob cut, a little thicker in size but she had a friendly smile. What I didn't know is that one day this one girl would start a downward spiral for me, in several cases I have almost lost my life.

Now some pitures of the many weight changes and for once I am posting some pictures with my face, A few I didnt take with my face in it but thats ok.

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