Saturday, February 12, 2011


So I am not gonna lie, right now I am very confused and upset. so last night for valentines day we went out. Of course it was a treat so I ate ALOT, then later on in the night i started eating on snacky things. I admit My control has been awful lately but I have been trying not to purge, but my binge button is still going. So needless to say I have been eating to much. My boyfriend last night said something out of concern but All I heard was your getting fat and I dont like it. It made me feel ugly and huge. My emotional state is so shattered right now. All i want to do is eat, eat, work out, eat eat, throw up, eat and sleep. 
I know that this is a bad old habit that in the past has made me very thin, but thats not what I need right now. It consumes you and rots away all your good thoughts and happiness. When I first met zac for the first time I didn't care at all how big I was because I was in love and happy. I still am in love with zac but now I am aware how I have changed in size and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I loved being 115lbs now at 190 i cant bear my reflection.

Old pictures but it shows how gorgeous I was. Not any more....

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