Monday, February 14, 2011
Valentines day..... back to skinny jeans...
So yesterday, Zac bought a scale.... 190.4 Never in my life have I weighed this much. Depression has set in but I am trying to stay positive by watching an old favorite, season one of 3rd Rock from the sun. It has always made me laugh. The most I ever weighed was 170. I was so upset that I didn't go to school...and I wasn't ready for a test today, I am gonna make it up tomorrow morning. ACK, OK so I have been staring at the screen for ten minutes in just chaos trying to write how I feel. I want to just crawl back into bed and stay there for the rest of the day, but I have to go to work at 5. My brain hurts. I have decided to skip lunch today, and then have a light dinner before work. I hate work only because it feeds into my disease, the people are really nice though. The worst part is I want to order a pizza. I eat when I am stressed, hell I eat anytime I am upset, so honestly alot. I hate it, food is not like any other addiction...you have to eat to live, you cant just quit cold turkey.
I used to go by these everyday......its sad really...but it must be shared.
1. If you aren't thin you aren't attractive.
2. Being thin is more important than being healthy.
3. You must buy clothes, cut your hair, take laxatives, starve yourself, do anything to make yourself look thinner.
4. Thou shall not eat without feeling guilty.
5. Thou shall not eat fattening food without punishing oneself afterwards.
6. Thou shall count calories and restrict intake accordingly.
7. What the scale says is the most important thing.
8. Losing weight is good/ gaining weight is bad.
9. You can never be too thin.
10. Being thin and not eating are signs of true will power and success.